Looks Of Distaste
by Apathyisdeath
Summary: A stressed Shepard faces many uncommon foes lately; the new female dress code, Kaidan is annoyed by fangirls, the Krogan princess is absolutely not Urdnot Wrex in drag and the SR2 won't stop staging their own musical theater productions! ME3 silliness.


_A/N: Hi! *waves frantically* I feel like I've been gone for ages from here; exams are going on and my Muse has decided to punch me in the gut lately for some unbeknownst reason. With all the recent E3 excitement, I really wanted to read and or write something consistent with newer information we have recently got our grubby paws on. After sitting, pondering, for longer than I probably should have, I decided that it's too early in the game to start smushing up fluff (well, for me, anywho), so here's the end result. *cackles evilly*  
>Oh, and by the way, if you happen to be on the BST, keep an eye out for yours truly who is a newer member under the name "WhoKnew". :D<br>Don't hate me for this!_

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><p><strong>Looks Of Distaste<br>**  
>Commander Shepard frowned in distaste at the clunky sounds of her new, heavier armour as she exited the boarding ramp of the Normandy SR2; she had grown accustomed to the old armour's gentler clunks and clomps as it flowed along with the movement of her joints and muscles. She now felt rather much like a walking action figure, and a bad one at that. She pondered on the idea of herself as an action figure. Strangely enough, she recalled seeing only a few months prior a familiar-looking N7-clad action figure being peddled in the Citadel's gift shop, although the figure in question had been much larger than herself, with much more stubble and a dangerously high amount Y chromosomes. Just what exactly were they trying to imply? Everyone knew Commander Shepard was female, not some Dutch-model looking type. She shook the side-tracked thoughts out of her head for the moment.<p>

And she knew that someone out there on the wide expanses of the extranet would _still _criticise her for a lack of fashion, or even on her looks, despite only having time to save the _entire universe_. What, was she supposed to save the world running around in a spandex catsuit and barely-even-walkable-anyway-stilletos? Shepard cringed inwardly at the thought of it. Her heavy armour started to seem more appealing in terms of life-span.

A scuffle sounded from the top of the boarding ramp, and Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.  
>"I..I was HERE first-!"<br>A calm Liara silently came level with Shepard, not wishing to acknowledge or entertain what exactly was happening on the ramp behind them.  
>"Shepard." She nodded curtly.<br>"Liara...?" Shepard tried to reply the same way, yet the word turned into a strangled question at the sight of the Asari, blinking at her in disbelief. "Are you wearing _chainmail_?"  
>Liara looked down at her own torso.<br>"Yes," she breathed, not seeming as uncomfortable as she made the commander. "It seems that to properly intergrate myself into the standard procedure followed by various successful new additions to your team I needed a change of outfit, rather more drastically than I previously estimated due to recent events."  
>Liara turned halfway, seemingly trying to inspect her own buttocks in her new ensemble.<br>"But you're like...an archaeologist..." Shepard trailed off, mystified.  
>"That is correct." Liara stated, still chasing her buttocks like a dog chasing its tail.<br>"Then why do you have a sword and shield? I mean, it was a surprise when we found out you could fire a gun to begin with, I mean..."  
>Shepard mumbled an explanation to herself, bemused even further. Liara stopped fidgeting, glancing thoughtfully around her.<br>"Uh...Freud was right?" She offered. Shepard made to open her mouth in question or rebuttal, yet was cut off by the ramp's noises becoming louder.

Shaking her head, Shepard came to the foot of the ramp.  
>"Whatever's causing all the noise up there, stop it and get down here immediately!" She yelled, attempting to make her voice carry importantly.<br>"We're trying to solve things up here as it is!" A familiar male voice yelled back.  
>Commander Shepard felt her brow furrow in confusion. "Who is that?"<br>A pause. "According to most of my fangirls I'm a lovesick, muscular, knight-in-shining-armour- "  
>The voice was cut off by a strangled, shrill yell from Shepard as her hands clutched her face. "OH MY GOD, ALISTAIR? I STILL HAVE YOUR ROSE, ANDERS WAS JUST NOTHING TO YOU! I MEAN THEY GOT RID OF THE REALLY AWESOME VOICE ACTOR JUST BECAUSE OF CULLEN, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS ONL-"<br>"What? No!" The disembodied voice continued, Kaidan and Ashley appearing down the ramp, Ashley hobbling awkwardly as she did so.  
>"It's me," Kaidan pouted, clearly looking as if he had been discarded. "But who is this Alistair? I don't think anyone can have fangirls as bad as I do." He chuckled at his own joke, and Shepard played along by half-heartedly laughing too, an unconvinced look on her face.<br>"What?" Kaidan asked incredulously. "I have, like, too many fangirls!"  
>Shepard nodded slowly at him, letting out a slow "yeeees." Something hobbling out of the corner of her eye distracted her from the potentially awkward moment.<p>

"Ashley? What's wrong? Why are you walking so...awkwardly?" Shepard asked. Ashley looked up from the ground she had focused on not falling onto in her pain.  
>"It's this new outfit," she groaned. "They told me I was wearing some kind of zip-up spy catsuit, that I could deal with, perhaps even sunglasses à la Sarah Conner of <em>Terminator 2, <em>but they've got me squeezed into_ thigh-high boots _here. And don't even get me started on where my Phoenix Armour has disappeared to!"  
>She ended her rant to glance sideways at Kaidan, suspicion etched on her every feature.<br>"What?" He said. "For the last time, I DID NOT WEAR THE PHOENIX ARMOUR."  
>An awkward silence fell between the four.<br>"_Come wit me iv you vant to live_." Shepard quoted in her best impression, garnering no laughs whatsoever from those who understood the reference, and a confused expression from Liara.  
>"I-I assumed that was why we always traveled together, Commander." Liara stated.<br>Shepard facepalmed. "Please kill me."  
>The four continued watching Ashley hobble around the area as if she was preparing for an immediate water birth.<p>

"Ashley, you cannot fight in that. And that hair can't be safe, regardless if it's Alliance protocol or not. I wouldn't wanna run around the city of falling debris with flowing locks, and who on Earth decided to make side fringes down for the kids?"  
>"It's OK, Commander. Well, we're not really penciled in for any major battles today, just escorting the Krogan princess to the other side of the town so she can get to the nearest nail bar without causing further Galactic war."<br>Shepard had no chance to reply when a mysterious figure appeared at the doorway at the top of the boarding ramp, almost impossible to see until it neared them.

"Wrex?" Shepard spluttered. The Krogan looked offended at the implication. Shepard had no idea why; the Krogan was identical to Wrex except the addition of a pretty, fluffy pink tutu around his waist and a silver tiara dotted with pink crystals made tiny by the sheer size of his- _her_ head that wobbled dangerously as she walked.  
>The princess nodded politely regardless.<br>"I'm terribly sorry, Miss Shepard," said the apparent princess, that rather sounded like Urdnot Wrex in his best falsetto (Shepard was amazed he could even hitch his voice this high, nevermind the new outfit additions). "But the rest of your crew, including the _charmant_ lounge lizard Mordin, are putting on a rather noisy production of _RENT_ in the cockpit and I'm afraid I just can not stand the racket."  
>Shepard felt her eyes widen further, which she had not suspected could actually scientifically happen.<br>"Speaking of which-" The princess paused to waggle her fingers coquetishly at Mordin at the top of the ramp, whom winked back.

Commander Shepard fell to her knees, the stress of it all too much.  
>"NoooooOOOO!"<p>

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><p>Jane Shepard sniffed harshly awake to a drizzly Earth-morning pattering outside.<br>"WH-?" She grunted rather loud. Wait, she was on Earth. It was just a silly dream! Shepard pulled herself up to gaze out of the wide window directly above the large expanse of their bed. She remembered now; the war had been passed now for the majority of six months, Reaper threat quelled and short peace seemingly brought back to most. She lay back against her pillows in relief, sleep flooding back to her gradually.  
>It appeared that her loud awakening had awoken her companion, his face still plastered against the pillow as he watched her settle back down.<br>"Nightmare?" Kaidan soothed.  
>Shepard shook her head, laying down to face him and tucking the pillow under her head.<br>"No, it was actually kinda...great." Her speech began to become incoherent as she drifted back off to sleep.  
>"But I'm sorry Kaidan," she reached out a sleepy palm to tap her boyfriend's cheek. "But you just don't have more fangirls than Alistair. That game kind of brought fangirls from all four corners of the..."<br>And with that, she was snoring gently.  
>Kaidan nodded, trying to think of what she was talking. It took him a second to furrow his brow as if insulted, but merely drifted off to sleep in the knowledge that things might actually turn out right.<p> 


End file.
